Homemade Chilli Paste

Surprise, surprise; I have a large chilli plant in the backyard. As anyone who knows me would know, I can't eat anything without it being smothered in as much hot chilli as I can find. Sweet chilli? No. That's not chilli, and a pox on anyone who dares besmirch my sandwich or kebab with its sickly taste. Although wedges are OK, I guess.

Anyway, when I eventually remember to harvest my chilli bush I generally notice about 20-30 large chillis on it, as I remember about once every 2 months that I own one. They're big green chillis, but that doesn't mean they're not a little spicy. Here's how I turn them into something that can make most people cry, and anyone with a little backbone enjoy their food.

First, pop the chillis in a container or similar for a while until they go red and a little shriveled. This can take up to a week or so, and therefore this isn't recommended if you're planning a dinner party tonight. When they're done, assemble your ingredients as below:

For those of you without images, it's the chillis, a lime, some salt, garlic paste, vinegar and a mortar and pestle.

Chop up the chillis as much as you can be bothered after removing the stalk (and the seeds if you're a wimp that hates spice) and then put them into the mortar. Or pestle. Whichever is the fucking heavy stone bowl. Pop them in there. Grind them up as much as you can. The consistency is up to you, but I like mine a little like salsa so not too processed. If you really like it smooth then just skip the mortar and pestle and use a food processor and cry yourself to sleep for not enjoying real food.

Add 1-2 teaspoons of garlic and a similar amount of vinegar (to taste) and then squeeze the entire lime into it. Mix these up as much as you can. Add some salt to make the mixture set a little and also to give it a little bite.

Pour the result into a container and lo and behold, you'll have some awesome chilli paste to garnish every single dish in sight. Don't miss any, because if you're not eating scalding hot chilli you're not really living.